I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
