i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Shame - the story of my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize