Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
