Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
