Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
