Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
