I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
