I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
