do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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