I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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