so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize