Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
