She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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