Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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