walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
