dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
