We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
