Tell her she can't have a vagina
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
