He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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