That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
