This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
