She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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