So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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