He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think your dad took our porno
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
