Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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