Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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