Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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