a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
