I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
