Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
