How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
