Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
