The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
