i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
