Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
