just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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