hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
