we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
