I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
