We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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