Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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