I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
