If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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