Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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