I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
