I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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