Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
