White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
