What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
