Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
