How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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