i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
