You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
