not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
