The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
