In America we eat man semen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize