woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
