first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
