I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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