the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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