My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
