We're facebook friends in real life
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
