Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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