ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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