Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
